Q:  不曉得你有沒有這樣的經驗: 當長輩拿別的小孩和自己的小孩做比較時, 妳怎麼處理自己的情緒?  最近遇到很多有關教養方面的問題, 我自己有時候也不曉得自己的作法是否正確, 當一被比較時, 更會對己的作法沒信心...

 

A:  First, don't compare yourself to others.  I can tell you are a very conscientious mom.  You are doing an incredible job of taking care of your children.  You have been consistent, your family has a good routine, your children are sleeping well, eating well, healthy and happy.  You care about them... your children are very blessed to have you as their mom!  

 

I know how discouraging it is when 長輩 (elders) criticize us.  If possible, I tell them directly and honestly that their talk makes me feel bad.  And then I try to pray and smile.  I try to remember that these 長輩 (elders), they don't mean anything bad.  They just don't realize how their speech makes us feel.  But when possible, I do tell them their talk discourages me, in order to make sure it does not continue.

 

As for comparing yourself to others and wondering about your own methods, I just want to tell you this:  Yes, some methods are more effective than others.  BUT, the most important thing is that you have joy in your heart and you pass on joy to your children.  The most important thing is for your children to know that you look into their eyes and delight in them.  There are some families whose parents had the best methods.  But in the end, their children grew up unhappy.  They sensed that their parents cared more about the methods than the children.  There are families who did everything wrong.  The parents were undisciplined and the family was chaotic.  But the children had a great time with their undisciplined parents.  Somehow they grew up secure in their parents' love and became confident adults.  So ... quickly stop comparing yourself to others.  Whenever the thought comes to your mind, change it.  Instead, use your thoughts to analyze and think of how you can better spend your time with your family.  

 

Judy