Q:  Dear Judy:

    請問您怎麼對付會咬人的baby?  妹妹長牙後很愛咬人!

    還有, 在餐桌上吃飯, 寶寶看到會想用手抓, 妳都怎麼處理呢?

 

A:  

兩個方法：其一，我會給寶寶一些東西讓她們抓，例如寶寶專用的湯匙，如此一來她們的手上就會有東西可以抓。然而，若你的寶寶繼續去抓桌上的碗，而你不希望她們這樣做，我會很快及很堅定地說『不可以』(但音調是很平靜的)，然後打一下她的手。我會立即地打她，如此她就會知道為什麼被打。不要擔心，打這一下只會讓她痛個大約一秒鐘，但這是個訓練『服從』的好方法。基本上，當我說『不可以』時，我總是會立即地打寶寶一下。以後，當我即使只說『不可以』而沒有打寶寶，寶寶也會立刻停止做我不想要她做的事。不要輕易地使用『不可以』這句話，如果『不可以』總是跟不好的後果聯結在一起，以後即使在公眾場合，只要你一說『不可以』，寶寶就會立刻停止。有效的說『不可以』總比無效的常說『不可以』好，因為常說『不可以』會讓寶寶忽視『不可以』的後果。我希望你可以了解我的話！我曾經看過一些很棒的父母，他們只要輕輕的搖頭，他們的小孩就會很快地停止他們正在做的事。那真的是很棒的訓練！

 

 

我必須強調『一致性』，當你希望孩子們不要養成某個行為，那麼當他們每次做這件事時，你必須讓此行為和某個後果聯結。如果你只是偶爾說『不可以』，而有時候忽略了孩子不好的行為，妳將永遠無法成功地訓練孩子良好的行為(妳的寶寶們會不斷嘗試去違背妳)；如果你不一致，這個不好的行為將會不時地出現。

 

有關於問題一，我們會很快地說『不可以』然後彈一下寶寶的嘴巴。意思就是說，每次當她咬人時，我們會讓她的嘴巴有輕微短暫的疼痛，這樣當她又想咬人，就會想起這麼做會造成疼痛的後果。但是你要確定她咬人的當下，你不能笑或讓她以為妳在和她開玩笑，因為當她做某件事而你看起來很開心時，她就會持續做這件事。笑沒有關係，但要確定你所表達的『不可以』是非常堅定的(語氣是平靜的，妳不需要大吼或非常生氣，只要『堅定』就好。)

 

我非常希望這些建議能夠幫你解決問題！

 

                    Judy

(Two ways:  One, I give the babies something to hold, like a baby spoon.  That way they already have something in their hands.  BUT, if the baby continues to grab the bowls I don't want her to grab, i will quickly say 'no' firmly (but quietly) and slap her hands.  I slap immediately, so she knows that's why she's getting slapped for.  Don't worry, the slap will only hurt for 1 second, but it's good training for obedience.  Basically, when I say 'NO', I always immediately slap.  In the future, even when I only say 'no' without slapping, the baby will quickly stop what she's doing.  The word 'no' should not be used lightly.  If there's always a consequence associated with the word 'no', then even in public, as soon as you say 'no' the baby will stop.  It is better to never say 'no' than to say 'no' often but letting the babies ignore it.   I hope you understand what I'm saying.  I've seen good parents who can simply shake their heads slightly and their children will quickly stop what they're doing.  That's amazing training.

 

I must emphasize consistency.  When you pick a behavior you want your child to change, then everytime they do that behavior you must follow through with a consequence.  If you only say 'no' sometimes, and sometimes you ignore the behavior, you will not have success (and your babies will always try to disobey.)  But if you are very consistent, then the behavior will stop within a couple of days.  If you are inconsistent, then the behavior will continue on and off forever.

 

For your question #1, we also say 'no' and quickly flick her mouth.  Meaning, we give her a very short pain in her mouth everytime she bites so she associates pain with everytime she tries to bite others.  Make sure you are not laughing or joking around with her when she does it.  Because if you seem happy when she does something, she will continue to do it.  Smiling is OK but make sure your 'no' is firm (but quiet, you don't need to shout or be angry, just firm.)

 

I really hope this is helpful.

 

Judy)