Baby Q & A
 
 
Q: 親愛的奐均: 我是一個一歲半小孩的媽媽。上星期剛閱讀完妳寫的寶典,深覺 受益良多。 現階段,我的小孩很愛尖叫吵鬧,我實在覺得很困擾。而且我想要開始訓練她如廁,不知怎麼做。可否請妳幫忙回答我這兩個問題? 謝謝妳抽空回答 中英文皆可 1. 如何訓練小孩上廁所? 2. 如何改掉小孩尖叫吵鬧的習慣? 台南的安妮 A: 事實上,妳的第二個問題很重要, 正好是我下一本書的主題: 如何訓練小孩聽話。 所以很難在簡短的電子信中詳細回答, 但我盡力。 最重要的事就是訓練你的小孩聽從你指令。 也就是說與其教小孩而不訂定賞罰規則不如不要教。 如果不能賞罰分明按規則來,就不要教新的指令。我的意思是說:當妳跟小孩講"不要叫",如果小孩又叫了,妳是否馬上給予懲罰?如果妳一直說"不要叫",但卻又讓小孩還繼續叫而不懲罰的話,妳就是在訓練妳的小孩不去聽從妳所說的話。這樣還不如什麼都沒講比較好。 首先,我們在家裡備有一支木spoon用來懲罰。我很清楚地告訴小孩,如果她大叫,就馬上會被打三下。當下次她大叫時,不管妳正在做什麼,馬上要打她三下。 打在皮膚表面,不要打到骨頭。這樣只是表皮痛,並不會傷到孩子。記得當小孩一大叫,馬上打。儘管妳正忙著做飯,手也弄髒,電話講到一半,馬上跑到小孩那裡。不要等,不需數到三,不用警告,不用懇求小孩。就是馬上打(帶著愛面帶笑容) 但是妳必須要每次都這麼做。若只是偶爾如此,那就不如不做。 我必須要強調一致性。當妳要小孩改掉壞習慣,每次小孩犯錯就一定要懲罰。若妳有時說不可以, 有時又忽視那行為,妳將不會成功(小孩也會不聽話)。但若妳非常一致,壞行為就可在兩三天改掉。若妳不一致,行為就永遠時好時壞。 每個試過這個方法的家長都說有效。若妳能持續兩天這樣對待小孩,妳將會看到改變。 立即處罰的最大好處是,身為父母的你,還不會有時間感到煩躁,不耐或生氣,而你會用控制的脾氣和適當的態度來訓練你的孩子. 第一天開始訓練時,小孩會測試妳。可能每20分鐘,她就吵,就要打。之後,妳的小孩就會習慣(and respect)這樣言行一致的媽媽。相信我,這麼做24小時後,小孩會更高興。他們喜歡媽媽的言行一致。而且家裡終於變詳和了。也由於學會馬上聽話,我們現在很少懲罰她們。 原則就是:要馬上做而且說到做到。 下次我有空時,再回答妳另一個有關如廁方面的問題。 If you do decide to follow what I say about child training, please write me back and let me know how it goes. Hope you're helped and thank you for writing! Judy Dear Judy:   Thank you for replying so promptly. I tried your method of discipline, and so far, it worked well. I am very glad. My daughter seems to scream less now. Thank you! Annie Hi Judy: 非常謝謝妳回答我的問題 聽了妳的建議後 我也對自己的教養方式做了一些調整   如果我的女兒有做錯的地方 我就會省略掉事先警告的模式 直接先打再說 而且也不會隨著自己的心情 有時嚴厲有時敷衍 盡量會做到一致的標準 結果效果真的有比較好耶   還有我會記得結束之後給她一個愛的抱抱 這樣她的心情就會比較平靜一些 不再會鬧個沒完沒了了 雖然這是很小的地方 但對我的幫助其實很大 在妳沒告訴我這個訣竅之前 我們母女倆常會搞的精疲力竭 不知如何是好 很期待妳的下一本書 也祝妳跟家人們平安健康快樂   妳的讀者 鄭雅茜 (Dear Judy: I am a mother of a 18-month-old baby. I finished reading your book last week and found your words very helpful. At this stage, I found it very annoying that my daughter often screams and yells. And I also want to toilet train her, but don't know how. Could you help me on these 2 problems?? Thank you so much for your time!! ( English or Chinese both ok) 1. How do you tiolet train baby? 2. How to stop the child from screaming and yelling? Annie from Tainan A: Hello! Actually, your number 2 question is a very big topic. It is the next book I'm working on: how to train your children to be obedient. Therefore, it is hard to answer your question in a simple short e-mail. But I will do my best: The most important thing is to train your children to obey WHAT YOU SAY. This means, it is better for a parent to not say anything at all, then to constantly say something without reinforcement. Do not ever say anything unless you plan on enforcing it. What I mean is this: When you say to your child, "Don't scream," do you follow up with an immediate consequence if the child does scream?? If you keep saying "don't scream" but you let your child keep screaming with no consequence, then you are training your child to NOT obey WHAT YOU SAY. It would have been better if you didn't say anything at all. So this is what we do in our house. First, we have a stick (or wooden spoon) we use for spanking. Then I tell the child very clearly that if she screams, she will IMMEDIATELY receive three spankings. Then the very next time, when the child screams, I IMMEDIATELY (drop whatever you're doing!) give her three slow spankings. The spanking is done on the surface of the skin (not bones). We're causing a quick surface pain, not hurting the child. The pain is unpleasant for the child but disappears within seconds. Remember, as soon as the child screams, immediately spank. Even if you're in the middle of cooking, your hands are all dirty or you're in the middle of a phone call, run to your child. No waiting, no counting to three, no warning, no pleading with your child. Just an immediate spanking (with love and smile on your face). But, you must do this EVERY TIME the child screams. If you only follow through occasionally, just don't do it at all. I must emphasize consistency. When you pick a behavior you want your child to change, then everytime they do that behavior you must follow through with a consequence. If you say 'no' sometimes, but sometimes you ignore the behavior, you will not have success (and your babies will always try to disobey.) But if you are very consistent, then the behavior will stop within a couple of days. If you are inconsistent, then the behavior will continue on and off forever. Every parent who has tried this technique says it really works. If you spend two days working on being consistent with your child, you will see a change. There is a big advantage to immediate discipline: YOU, the parent, have no time to have gotten annoyed, impatient, or angry. You will be disciplining your child with a controlled temper and with a proper attitude. On the first day of training, your child will test you. You may have to spank them every 20 minutes. After all, your child is not used to such a consistent mom! But believe me, within 24 hours of my implementing this principle, my children were happier. They liked the new system of a consistent mom. And our home finally became peaceful. And because they have learned immediate obedience, we only spank very rarely now. The principle is this: BE IMMEDIATE and BE 100% CONSISTENT. When I have time, I'll try to answer your other question of toilet training.
 
如何改掉小孩尖叫吵鬧的習慣?